22 Years. Different Pathways.

I’ve been with HeartBound for four years now.

Whenever someone new hears about my job, I know to immediately expect a million questions. One of them being – “What are the people you work with in prison for?”

My answer is nearly always the same: “I don’t know.” And that’s the truth.

A common misconception about prison is that everyone knows what everyone else is “in” for. The details of someone’s offense are rarely – if ever – discussed. A lot of prisoners don’t talk to anyone else in prison – it’s a highly-segregated, highly controlled environment. Plus, everyone in prison is there for a reason, making it hard to trust anyone at all. Knowledge is a form of currency in prison, and knowledge of someone else’s crime can lead to financial extortion or worse.

Additionally, those in prison aren’t proud of what they have done to wind up in prison. As Bryan Stevenson, author of Just Mercy, so aptly says, “Each of us is more than the worst thing we've ever done.”

So, you can imagine my surprise the other day when I heard two women in our horticulture class discussing what led to their incarceration. One woman, a new student, was frank. “I got a cocaine addiction.” The other student offered a prayer for healing. I was amazed at the honesty on display in this moment – one student being vulnerable with another, despite the fact that she’d been in our class for less than an hour.

Here's the thing though; I know why this new student, Alexandra, was willing to be so open with the other inmate. Because the other girl, Erica, had been vulnerable in front of her.

Erica has been in the horticulture class for a while now. She wears big, thick glasses that fog up with sweat on humid days. She always wears her hair pulled back in a ponytail and tucks her prison-issued uniform into oversized white socks so her pants legs don’t get dirty while gardening. Erica is a hard worker. I’ve never seen her complain, even on the hottest days. She’s eager to work and loves the little nuggets of plant knowledge I bring to class each week. Her personal favorite, which she now tells every newcomer, is that carrots do not improve your eyesight dramatically. This myth was invented by the British to conceal the fact that they’d invented radar.

Earlier that morning, Erica hollered out loud in front of the class, “Mr. Spencer! I got big news. 22 years ago, on this exact day, something remarkable happened.”

“Tell us, Erica!” I replied.

“22 years ago today I stood up to my abusive husband and reported him for rape and sexual assault.”

I paused. I had to be careful about my response. What do you say when you, a man, are told this horrifying information? I quickly prayed for guidance.

“Erica, I’m so sorry. But I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself and doing the right thing.” The other women put down their tools to gather around Erica and offer her their support.

Twenty-two years ago, my uncle was sentenced to prison following a vehicular accident. HeartBound Ministries was founded shortly afterwards by my mom with a simple goal – reach hearts bound by prison walls. By whatever means necessary. Gardening, guitar, reading, quilting. The vision was simple - bring the Light of the world to the darkest of places.

One of the strange parts of my own story was that I never intended to join HeartBound. HeartBound was this thing that I didn’t quite understand growing up. My mom went to prisons and helped people but how, I didn’t exactly know. I knew that from time to time she’d meet with legislators and have formerly incarcerated people to our house, but the scope of her work was beyond my own childish imagination. I dreamed of growing up and becoming a lawyer or a farmer or something in between. I went to college and thought I’d become a professor. Through a series of events, I ended up in my current role on the HeartBound team, not quite sure how I would fit in or what I would do long term.

The pathway that connects Erica’s life to my own mother’s is not parallel. My mom still works tirelessly for HeartBound, while Erica is in prison. But 22 years ago, in both women’s lives, something happened. And now, here we are, 22 years later. Erica is sharing her story, encouraging other women – not ashamed of her past, but willing to confront it head on, to heal, to find relief, to stand up for what is good and right. And other women are taking notice.

I recently shared a quote from my friend Melissa with Erica, Alexandra and the women in our class. “Love is a verb and love is not convenient. It is said best in 1 Corinthians 13 and if you ever feel like a bad version of yourself put your name in it:  Melissa is patient, Melissa is kind. She does not envy, she does not boast, she is not proud. Melissa does not dishonor others, she is not self-seeking, she is not easily angered, she keeps no record of wrongs. Melissa does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Melissa always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God is at work to make this true. Let Him.” I looked at the women. “When you feel down on yourself, when you feel that the darkness is winning, say these words to yourself. Believe in yourself.”

The paths we follow are often full of twists and unexpected turns. Sometimes they even take us into prison. God is at work in Erica’s and Alexandra’s and Melissa’s and my mom’s life. He’s at work in this ministry. He’s at work in my life. And this one thing I know:  The only hope for our broken world is Jesus, so we proclaim Jesus.  

Spencer