A Thanksgiving Inside Prison

6 AM Wednesday morning.

As I get older, I become more of a morning person. I make my coffee, crack the door open to let in some fresh air, and listen to the world spin outside.

Outside my apartment, there’s a beautiful Japanese Maple. This year I watched its leaves transform from dark red to bright gold. It was glorious.

Every holiday season, HeartBound prepares Thanksgiving and Christmas meals for our students. These special meals are a wonderful time to bring everyone together, enjoy a good meal, and celebrate the hard work we’ve accomplished over the last year.

When I first joined the HeartBound team, we ordered catering for these meals. The food was wonderful, but we quickly realized catering wouldn’t be a sustainable option due to the high cost. So, I decided to learn how to cook.

I read ‘Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat.’ I downloaded the NYT Cooking App. I invited friend after friend over for dinner party after dinner party. I became a reasonably good cook. The trick? Salt. Lots of it.

I call this time of year “the ham season,” because by the end of the holidays, I’ll have prepared at least 8 hams for these meals. By the 6^th ham I will have fully transformed into my alter-ego, “the Ham Man.” Prepping a full-blown holiday meal for anywhere from 10 to 60 hungry adult men and women morning after morning is exhausting for Spencer, but nothing for the Ham Man.

In the past, I would wake up at 4 AM and run around the kitchen like a madman, trying to keep everything from burning. There was no method to my madness and when it came time to pack all the food up and drive it to prison, I was resentful from all the stress and lack of sleep. I’d do my best to fake a good attitude while serving the meal, then drive home and crash.

This year, I’ve gone about preparing these meals differently. The night before, I prep all the food, making sure everything is already laid out in baking trays and all the veggies are pre-sliced. I then wake up at my normal time, enjoy a cup of coffee, read some scripture, and calmly prepare all the food. I do my absolute best to keep a positive attitude, even if something burns or doesn’t taste quite like I want it to. This might sound bizarre, but I believe that whatever attitude you prepare a meal with will be reflected in the actual food. That’s why homemade food tastes so good – it’s not that it has anything special in it, it’s just been prepared with love. Instead of running around the kitchen all stressed out, I pray and meditate, saying words like thank you, reminding myself that I don’t have to do anything, I get to.

Though I have no scientific proof, I believe this new attitude has had a noticeable effect on our meals this year. They’re moving at a much slower pace and the conversations have been much more intimate and reflective.

One moment stood out this year. We were at West Central Integrated Treatment Facility in Zebulon, Georgia to serve Thanksgiving to our six horticulture students. The weather was pleasant enough to allow us to sit outside in a fenced-in courtyard. Instead of serving the food to the women, I told them that they could just help themselves. It felt good to help restore a sense of autonomy to them.

While they ate, I led a discussion on Jonah. Earlier that week, God had placed Jonah’s story in front of me, providing me with a lesson to share with all our classes. As I recounted the story of Jonah to them, I shared the three things that stood out to me.

1-    If you’re like me, you heard this story your entire life. It was a staple of Sunday school lessons. You probably have a Disney-fied version of it in your head; Jonah walking around some cavernous whale’s belly, light filtering in through the blow hole. But in reality, this was probably a horrifying experience. Stomach acid pouring everywhere, cramped, confined, dark space, the smell of rotting krill and seaweed engulfing everything. There’s no doubt that for three days, Jonah probably thought every moment would be his last.

2-    When Jonah was in the belly of the whale, he didn’t make any false promises to God. He didn’t say, “Hey God, if you get me out of this situation, if you free me from this whale, then I’ll do what you asked.” Instead, he just prayed and repented. When we’re in sticky situations, we’re apt to try and cut fake deals with God. Instead, we should try and simply remain faithful.

3-    Even when Jonah was granted a second chance at life and spit out of the whale, he made mistakes. He told God about how miserable he was, and how God was wrong and he was right. I reminded the students that it’s okay to make mistakes.

Kristin interrupted. “The whale’s belly kind of sounds just like prison. Jonah ran from God, made mistakes, and ended up in the belly. That’s not all that different than my life.”

Diana chimed in. “I’m here because I didn’t want my kids to become homeless. The decisions I made were wrong, but they were to protect my kids. To keep our house.”

I could feel the floodgates opening. The women were being vulnerable with one another, supporting and loving each other, being all the things it means to be human. I was overjoyed. Testimony after testimony poured forth from them.

Rose began to speak. Suddenly, she paused and cocked her head to the side quizzically.

Beside me, a great sob erupted. Shannon was weeping. Tears flowed down her cheeks, falling past the scars and piercings and tattoos.

She hyperventilated, trying to catch her breath.

Finally, words sputtered forth. Between sobs, she cried out, “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what’s happening.”

That made two of us.

She continued to cry. I sprang up from my chair and grabbed some extra napkins for her to use as tissues. Had something someone said triggered her? What had gone wrong? The conversation had been going so well….

Rose tucked the tear-stained napkins into her pockets. Her normally loud, boisterous voice was quiet. Her face was bowed as she took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry y’all. It’s just been a long time since I had a Thanksgiving meal.”

The women chimed in like a chorus, reassuring her that it was okay, that she was loved, that she was safe, that she was forgiven.

1 John 4: “No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.”

May we all learn to love one another more this Christmas season.

Have a blessed holiday.

With gratitude,

Spencer