Disappointment

I asked the room, “Show of hands, how many of you have disappointed before?”

Before I could glance up from the lectern I continued, “Okay, I see that it’s everyone. Good.”

“You see, I’ve come to realize something. Everything in life will let you down. Your family and your friends will let you down. The parole board will let you down. Your teacher (pointing to myself), will let you down. Your girlfriend or wife will let you down. Sports will let you down, you’ll either get hurt or have to retire. Even you will let yourself down.”

I asked another question to the men gathered before me, “If everything will let you down, what do we do?”

One student perked up, “Trust nobody.” I offered a quick rebuttal, “That’s no way to live. Any other guesses?”

Murmurs, but no answers, or at least, no one brave enough to speak up.

“Here’s what I’ve found in my own life,” I said. “Jesus will never let me down. No matter how many times I do wrong, no matter how hard I try and run and hide, no matter how angry I get, God will never abandon me, He will never let me down.”

“But,” I cautioned, “This is not a get out of jail free card.” I pointed to Madi, my girlfriend who had graciously taken a day off work to come serve the men at Burruss Correctional Training Center. “If I lie to Madi and then apologize and say I’ll never do it again, she might forgive me and we’ll be fine. But if I lie to Madi again and then apologize once more and say I’ll never do it again, she’d be a fool to forgive me. And if this pattern repeated itself over and over, you’d look at Madi and say that she’s crazy to stay with me. That isn’t a healthy relationship.”

“Our relationship with God is like that. We cannot continue to disrespect and dishonor God. To do the same thing over and over again and expect different results is insanity. But unlike my relationship with Madi, no matter how many times I mess up with God, He’ll still love me and forgive me. I am never too far from God, none of us are.”

I looked up at the room. What a rag-tag bunch we would have seemed to the earthly world. A bunch of tattooed, bedraggled convicted criminals, a 28-year-old and his girlfriend, and a Chaplain. All stuck in a prison’s visitation room bathed in florescent light. I thanked God that He doesn’t see us through a worldly lens. Instead, God sees the true beauty, a bunch of men that are spiritually hungry for more, that are desperately seeking redemption and growth and peace. A teacher and Chaplain who love these men dearly, a young woman who was willing to give up her day to come and serve.

Kierkegaard writes, “The person who loves God reflects on God.” In that moment, I thanked God for loving me, and for allowing me the blessing to be able to reflect that love to the men before me.

May we all be reflectors of God’s love and grace.